...BITCHES

Monday, June 8, 2009

curses. to that person's mother. you had not explained why you could not go. anyone would immeidately think you deliberately not went, and went jp to meet friends. by the tone of your msg. the lol part anyway. you didn't explain. you thinkyou didn't owe me an explanation. perhaps im not worthy of an one.

AND YES.Thats what i THOUGHT. oh, am i not allowed to have thoughts now? and yes, lm is more mature than you in SOME ways. you ARE IN OTHER WAYS. but i do see you're bonding quite well with your friends. you guys are talking, joking around and all.
?
we took neoprints. so? what did you reply? im so glad to see you happy? remember? lawls man. tanks for finally explaining btw. wow, you totally did not tell me anything and let me think of wrong stuff that almost everyone would have thought.

you did not reply my msgs. it's true. the one about telling you to have fun at jp. and the one informing you that the holes were done. did you not receive them? ahh well.

and i was sooo looking forward to getting our ears pierced together. same day...matching earrings whatever...a chance to see you again. to become friends again.

if you really want a penknife i'll give you one. rusty none rusty? sharp? blunt? one cut end all or die slowly??? or just cut so ppl will fawn over you saying,"weixin dun do this lah... love yourself..." make a show over it? get pity? everyone on your side?

hey go ahead man. i ain't stopping you. lemme be the bad guy then. ooohhh i love bad guy characters. =p. you dun wanna fight with me? no energy? cant bother? or is it that i dun worth your attention? you see the question marks? i am NOT assuming. i m asking. but thats what it seems to me.

im outta your friends list already. i can see that. when you called me, when i heard your voice, i was so stunned. a voice i yearned for...and you explained. i thought everythig was fine again. then i went your blog... not that i regret it so something. just...ahh well.

lets see... i saw two little kiddies trying to bully a cute kitten today. it disgusted me. a poor helpless animal. what, they do that to feel confident? showing off their power? i wanted to help the cat... but i did not. let it fend for itself. it needs to learn how cruel the world is...

on the bus to regine's house, i regained my sadistic p5 personality. i wanted to embrace it. i missed it. fearless...absolute hatred for humans. triggered by kids bullying a cat. i hate humans. including me. familiar to you, wei xin and li min? my weird logic.

someone here...is probably a murderer. someone here...probably stole before...someone masturbates. lied. rape. raped. backstabbed. human nature man. oi hate humans. they pollute the world. so do i, anyway. i hate me. aww man my pwning self! i love you.

so unbelievably mean, the opposite of the xiang ping before...so afraid...so nice...so easily hurt. =p. now im so much better.so much more heck care.

and...today i went to meet roush...i laughed. first time in a week. and i laughed at her fat-ass turtle. she makes me laugh... i likr her. i taught her a bit of science. and im typing this post at my house and not letting her read it.

lawls...i like her man. so naive in a sense. ahh i've changed gain, in a week, for the better, for you, the worse, cos the old xp was more caring...more thoughtful. and so, i kinda like me now. i used to hate me. i will not worry about the past or the future. about what already happened. i dun care anymore...

and now thats the truth. i love it. and...thank you, hiei. for you made me smile so many times... ^-^ lol. now i realised i dun really laugh around wei xin. much. and i hide a few secrets...

anyway, last night i heard my bro and sis talk about me... probably checking my facebook, blog, crunchyroll...everything. my bro stole my sim card again i think . i dun care if you see this. you know you stole my phone. fuck you. it made me nauseous just thinking im with a guy...such a guy...as my brother.

but while you cant choose family, you can choose friends. fuck you, bro. you stole so much from me. mostly happiness. how much did you earn from selling my phone? how much saticfaction did you get? and from using my sim cards? sending rude messages to my friends and making them hate me?

changing all my stuff??? telling everyone i had an online bf???making everyone insult me and detest me and against me? snooping around? huh???

wanna know a dark secret? once, i had my period, i found a zygote or something on the pad. you do not want to know. seriously. it looks exactly like in science testbooks. except it was real. it was real. not a dream. it scared me. i did NOT have sex with anyone for your record. i dun have a real bf.

the feelings i had...you'll never know. unless you have the same experience, which i doubt you have? do you understand why im so twisted? huh? my personality changes?

so what could've happened? it looked like seven weeks old. probably my body was too young to hold it, thank goodness. so, who raped me while i was asleep? i cant have reproduced on my own could i? how long have i kept this secret? possibly a year. have i told anyone? no.

someone raped me in my sleep, possibly. am i still a virgin i wonder? will people stare at me, in pity, or disgust? yes they will. because, thats what humans do, no? ...i know everyone's like that. go own, stay away from me. be disgusted. i'll stay single for life.

and that sperm or whatever...could have either belonged to my dad, brothers, or just a ghost. i would prefer if its a ghost, really. i love them...loved. my doppelganger especially. im scared. but its okay. you can abandon me. most ppl will. you're not the first. its too late for help.

i wonder... ifthat person had a sick smile on his face while he did it? touch me? dirty me??? well, FUCK YOU. i hate you. stay outta my life.i was like what,11? and you just had to...take my innocence away. i hate you. i hate you. i hate you.

im so scared. i've been crying almost every night worrying. that person is probably my family...but who? who? he escaped free, FUCKIT. i hate him .i hate me. some people heard me rant about hating being a girl. well, guys can just fuck around and not get anything. girls get pregnant. it sucks.

no, i do not nid help/ its already too late. whats the use? i lost the sleeping pills. but i can jump off the building and die a grosteque death. what do i have left in the world huh? can you tell me??? no, you cant. cos i hate my life. i hate this world. but... i love anime and the com.

the com kept me alive pretty long... dying on my 13 birthday is pretty cool ya know???

and again, i hate you my brother, the porn freakk...

hikarusan left a note @
4:18:00 PM

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Monday, June 8, 2009