Profile

name: None of your business?
location: Like i should tell you?
age: Why don't you guess?
birthdate:... 12/11
etc...

Links

lmy fren lmy fren lmy frenl
lmy fren lmy fren lmy fren l

Tagbox

Songs

Deisign: pKE Code: illusioNATION Image: Ff Extreme

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

... I went to school the 4-1 classroom but got no one. :( oh well. i wandered around for 45mins then left. i didn't like the stares people were giving me. i dislike human contact, seriously. especially strangers. i went home to use com and regine called to tell me stuff i already know. ... i'm kinda used to being left behind...?

i dunno why i'll always wait till last minute then leave the house. coz i dun wan go to the outside world i suppose. then at home... seriously felt like not going CCA to the point of crying. which is why i caned myself ten times. not important, but it didn't work :( i kept crying. i kept comforting myself.

i wonder why everytime i fall everyone just stares at me as i pick myself up. no one lends a hand. i have to keep falling and picking myself up. it's TIRING. i don't want to do it anymore. i just want to lie on the ground i fell on.

...is that too much to ask for? i touched myself in the mirror, i told myself not to cry, but still those hurtful eyes stared back at me. what else could i do? i promised myself not to go and wiped the tears away. that's right, no one would be there to care for me so i have to care for myself. i can't afford to break.

still, it's so cold, my heart is so cold, i keep on crying, and my shiro is cold. i want someone warm to comfort me, but no... there's no one... oh well.... ... ... i claw and bite myself. that stopped the crying. i wonder why i inflict pain on myself?

...to stop crying, merely? to release stress? for the brief, short period of freedom? probably. it's not like i like pain, but im not afraid of it. IN YOUR FACE, DANCE TEACHER! if i was afraid of pain i wouldn't cane myself. i dislike pain tho. ... ... im slightly scared, maybe. that's why i won't jump down the building or stab myself with a knife.

... i keep seeing that one ghost.... *shudders*

hikarusan left a note @
8:47:00 PM

-----------------