...BITCHES

Monday, December 28, 2009

I am afraid. Not that i would openly admit it to anyone. Lol. What am i afraid of? Ghosts i suppose. CCA i suppose. My father i suppose. Should i elaborate? maybe.

Hey, if a super scary evil looking clown looms under your bed, would coming up slowly or suddenly be more scary? If it's sudden it's be INSTANT KILL, but if it comes up slowly you'll be waiting for your death... afraid... So... yeah, i imagine a lot of stuff. Like you're seating on your bed, then a pair of arms comes up from behind you and strangles you.

Like you go to the toilet the lights suddenly go off and you hear maniacal laughter and you find something stabbing you and cutting you into little pieces. Like you climb down your bed and turn around and suddenly in your face is this horrible ghastly face with red eyeballs and evil, cruel smile and...

Okay, stop there xiang ping.

Yeah, so you see why i'm afraid. Okay, CCA. The goddamn chinese dance. I can't hide forever. The whole holiday i never go the teachers must be wanting to kill me. I want to change CCA, but they want docotr's certificate or something. And i don't want chat with them one on one. Scarier than oral sia.

And what i say when they ask me why i joined in the first place? Oh, coz carina joined, and that time she was sad that she was the only one, and on a whim i put it as one of my last few choices. And i thought i would go into drama or new media you see. So it was totally unexpected. I wanted to quit from the start, (had no guts to face mr vilau -.-) and so i waited a year.

Year's over, now what? To clarify, i'm not afraid or pain. I mean, dude, i hit myself, my dad hits me, i often injure myself purposely or accidentally... why would i be afraid of pain? I only detest it. I'm afaid of knifes stabbing into my stomach kind of pain, but yeah, who wouldn't.

Okay, my father. He tells me to go over to him while he's smoking and he talks to me and hits me. And all the while i inhale the smoke that is now not sweet? Crapsss. He hit me like 200 times ytd, 100 in morning when i couldn't wake up in the morning and 100 in the evening at my grandma's house while i watched my brother play PSP. I tried to ignore him, then he talked to me and i had to look at him, and he said, "Ni kan ta de lian wu gu ze yang'

Ooh, my face is innocent? That's my pokerface, dumbass. Are my eyes shining with sadness? Does my pain make you happy? My pain makes many people happy.

"Aiyo, ni jin tian hen piao liang, wo yi wei ni she ni jiejie." please lah. You see me pretty today and you thought i'm my sister. WTF?! is that a compliment or an insult, huh? So, i'm ugly and my sister is pretty, and that day i pretty and they thought i'm my sister?

FUCK YOU. And please, cousin, don't ask me, "please don't be upset?" COZ IM ALWAYS FREAKING UPSET NOWADAYSSSSSS.

hikarusan left a note @
5:12:00 PM

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Monday, December 28, 2009